Internal Conflict

Well FB memories have done it again. 11 years ago I posted this picture. And I remember how fat I thought I was. Disgusted with myself. And on that same day, I posted, “I eat too much.” I have always had horrible body dysmorphia.

It’s still not easy for me to look at a piece of pizza without thinking “I am going to regret this.” Or, “what can I do to burn this off.” “How many carbs and calories?” AND I LOVE PIZZA!!!!!

I’ve had issues with binge eating (still do). I’ve had issues with not eating. Or eating just to show people that I do eat. I have/had issues with eating my feelings. Food is comforting.

I remember spending a summer with my dad and gaining weight (puberty). I remember the next time I saw him, my stepmom asked me what happened. Where did my butt go? Why was I so skinny? They noticed without me noticing that I wasn’t eating.

Changing the way you see your body is not easy by any means. Especially when you love fitness, but love food. It’s also not easy when society gives you a false sense of reality a every turn.

This is to the girls growing up today. You are beautiful. You are enough. And you are worthy. And you deserve to eat and nourish your body.