We’ve all been there at some point. Maybe, it was a family member or maybe a friend. Maybe, it was a co-worker. Maybe, they were ALWAYS, the victim. Or maybe, they were the bully. Maybe all that came out of their mouths’ was 100% negative. Didn’t matter who, what, or where but in their eyes, there was no silver lining. No positive aspect to the situation. Nobody was beautiful. Nothing great about another person.
I grew up without many friends. I was not outgoing. Honestly, I was very insecure and felt like nobody liked me. I was always the new kid. I was made fun of for the dumbest things. I had crooked teeth and glasses. Oh! And lets not forget, I had pointy elbows “*insert eye roll emoji*.
So when people were kind to me, I hung on to them. At times, I forced myself to be their friends. I ended up at some sketchy parties, where the only person who cared about my well being, was me. I was 15 dating a 23 y/o (he is NOT the reason I ended up at sketchy parties, by the way). And I had 2 friends. And even those relationships were rocky sometimes. I mean, we were teenage girls. I constantly found myself trying to be like the other girls. Getting my nails done, pretending to have a hair stylist, going tanning, and going to the mall. All the things. These days I do those things for me. But, as a youngin’, it definitely was not for me.
I felt like those relationships at the time were solid. As I grew older I realized that some of them were super toxic. I came to terms with the fact that they would constantly need reassurance, or sympathy, or somebody to be on their side when they talk badly about people. I can’t be that person 24/7. I can give advice, I can love you, and I can sympathize. But I cannot babysit and hold your hand all the way through life. Plus, why waste my time giving you advice for you to do whatever the hell you wanted anyway?
I HAD TO LET THEM GO
Literally left town. My boyfriend back then, turned husband now, and I left. We moved to Florida to be closer to my family. And guess what? Those relationships? GONE. That’s how I knew they never cared. When we first moved, I called, texted, FB messaged. It was rare that I would get a response. And when I did the conversation was pretty straight forward.
“Hi, how are you?”
Or it was more along the lines of (I’m generalizing)
“Hey how are you?”
“Horrible. Everything sucks. People suck. My job sucks. The lady down the street and her cat suck. My relationship sucks.”
And honestly, sometimes I wouldn’t respond. Because it gets so heavy. Mentally and emotionally draining. And if there was a response question asking me how I was doing, when I would respond, there wouldn’t be a response to that. I get it. We all have busy lives, sometimes. But, we make time for those we care about.
And don’t think that once I was 24 and moved to Florida that I got my sh!t together and found the best friends in the world. Nope. Went through the same cycle of forcing my friendship on people. Held people close who didn’t care about me. For just a few more years I mistook kindness as friendship. But, I had to let them go. I found that when I quit forcing my friendship on people and hanging on to those who didn’t really care about me, I was so much happier. I figured, if people like me, they will want to hang out, share stories/advice, and it won’t be exhausting.
Toxic people are not just “friends”. They can be your co-workers or even family. Its okay to let them go. You can love family from a distance, trust me. I don’t have time for people who want to bring me down. Or tell me how to live my life. Or how to love in my relationship. Those non-toxic people will love you for who you are and support you through life. Life is too short to spend it with people who don’t care about you and don’t support you. So, LET THEM F-ING GO!